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Free gay dating sites and personals. Bottom and submissive are widely used for those partner s in the relationship or activity who are, respectively, the physically receptive or controlled participants. The interaction between tops and bottoms—where physical or mental control of the bottom is surrendered to the top—is sometimes known as "power exchange", whether in the context of an encounter or a relationship. BDSM actions can often take place during a specific period of time agreed to by both parties, referred to as "play", a "scene", or a "session". Participants usually derive pleasure from this, even though many of the practices—such as inflicting pain or humiliation or being restrained — would be unpleasant under other circumstances.
Explicit sexual activity , such as sexual penetration , may occur within a session, but is not essential. Whether it is a public "playspace"—ranging from a party at an established community dungeon to a hosted play "zone" at a nightclub or social event—the parameters of allowance can vary. The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it should be performed with the informed consent of all involved parties.
Some BDSM practitioners prefer a code of behavior that differs from "SSC" and is described as " risk-aware consensual kink " RACK , indicating a preference for a style in which the individual responsibility of the involved parties is emphasized more strongly, with each participant being responsible for his or her own well-being. Advocates of RACK argue that SSC can hamper discussion of risk because no activity is truly "safe", and that discussion of even low-risk possibilities is necessary for truly informed consent.
They further argue that setting a discrete line between "safe" and "not-safe" activities ideologically denies consenting adults the right to evaluate risks vs rewards for themselves; that some adults will be drawn to certain activities regardless of the risk; and that BDSM play—particularly higher-risk play or edgeplay —should be treated with the same regard as extreme sports, with both respect and the demand that practitioners educate themselves and practice the higher-risk activities to decrease risk. RACK may be seen as focusing primarily upon awareness and informed consent, rather than accepted safe practices.
The consent and compliance for a sadomasochistic situation can be granted only by people who can judge the potential results. For their consent, they must have relevant information extent to which the scene will go, potential risks, if a safeword will be used, what that is, and so on at hand and the necessary mental capacity to judge. The resulting consent and understanding is occasionally summarized in a written " contract ", which is an agreement of what can and cannot take place. In general, BDSM play is usually structured such that it is possible for the consenting partner to withdraw his or her consent at any point during a scene;  for example, by using a safeword that was agreed on in advance.
Failure to honor a safeword is considered serious misconduct and could even change the sexual consent situation into a crime, depending on the relevant law,  since the bottom or top has explicitly revoked his or her consent to any actions that follow the use of the safeword see Legal status. For other scenes, particularly in established relationships, a safeword may be agreed to signify a warning "this is getting too intense" rather than explicit withdrawal of consent; and a few choose not to use a safeword at all.
This model for differentiating among these aspects of BDSM is increasingly used in literature today.
Individual tastes and preferences in the area of human sexuality may overlap among these areas, which are discussed separately here. Bondage and discipline are two aspects of BDSM that do not seem to relate to each other because of the type of activities involved, but they have conceptual similarities, and that is why they appear jointly. The term bondage describes the practice of physical restraint. Bondage is usually, but not always, a sexual practice. Bondage can also be achieved by spreading the appendages and fastening them with chains or ropes to a St. Andrew's cross or spreader bars.
The term discipline describes psychological restraining, with the use of rules and punishment to control overt behavior.
Another aspect is the structured training of the bottom. It explores the more mental aspect of BDSM. This is also the case in many relationships not considering themselves as sadomasochistic; it is considered to be a part of BDSM if it is practiced purposefully. The range of its individual characteristics is thereby wide. Often, " contracts " are set out in writing to record the formal consent of the parties to the power exchange, stating their common vision of the relationship dynamic.
Such documents have not been recognized as being legally binding, nor are they intended to be. These agreements are binding in the sense that the parties have the expectation that the negotiated rules will be followed. Often other friends and community members may witness the signing of such a document in a ceremony, and so parties violating their agreement can result in loss of face, respect or status with their friends in the community. In general, as compared to conventional relationships, BDSM participants go to great lengths to negotiate the important aspects of their relationships in advance, and to take great care in learning about and following safe practices.
The term sadomasochism is derived from the words sadism and masochism. These terms differ somewhat from the same terms used in psychology, since those require that the sadism or masochism cause significant distress or involve non-consenting partners. Sadism describes sexual pleasure derived by inflicting pain , degradation, humiliation on another person or causing another person to suffer. On the other hand, the masochist enjoys being hurt, humiliated, or suffering within the consensual scenario.
The terms sadism and masochism are derived from the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch , based on the content of the authors' works.
Although the names of de Sade and Sacher-Masoch are attached to the terms sadism and masochism respectively, the scenes described in de Sade's works do not meet modern BDSM standards of informed consent. The concepts presented by de Sade are not in accordance with the BDSM culture, even though they are sadistic in nature. With his work the originally theological terms "perversion", "aberration" and "deviation" became part of the scientific terminology for the first time. In , Sigmund Freud described "sadism" and "masochism" in his Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality as diseases developing from an incorrect development of the child psyche and laid the groundwork for the scientific perspective on the subject in the following decades.
In the later 20th century, BDSM activists have protested against these conceptual models, as they were derived from the philosophies of two singular historical figures. Both Freud and Krafft-Ebing were psychiatrists; their observations on sadism and masochism were dependent on psychiatric patients, and their models were built on the assumption of psychopathology. Advocates of BDSM [ who? On a physical level, BDSM is commonly misconceived to be "all about pain". Many BDSM activities might not involve any kind of pain or humiliation, but just the exchange of power and control.